Monday, November 3, 2008

No More Chemo

Well, it's another restless night. I sleep in little spurts but never much at any one time. It's been awhile since I have written and much to say. It's been a busy time with my Mom and Godmother visiting, Halloween, and other going-ons. I will post later about all these good and fun things and include a pic or two. I also need to update the fundraising thermometer and tell you all about the many amazing things going on in that area. But good news deserves its own space.

I was recently hospitalized due to side-effects of the new chemo. I experienced severe swelling, which had it been left untreated, could have progressed to heart failure. So I am off the chemo and have been told that my only option left is the bone marrow transplant.

I declined the invitation to stay in the hospital and am trying to manage at home. I am now on oxygen 24/7 as there is not enough room in my blood due to it being congested by unhealthy cells (as a result of the leukemia) to allow enough oxygen to circulate to my organs. The cord to the machine is 50 feet long so I can pretty much get everwhere upstairs with it in. Then I have canisters in this neat jazzy carrying case for when I leave the house. And like the scarlet letter, I have a sign on my front door warning that oxygen is in use. Very cool and hip am I. It does seem to make me feel better and is doing wonders for my headaches. Who knew my head hurt so bad because it didn't have enough oxygen?!

I am taking diuretics to continue ridding my body of the excess fluid from the swelling. And potassium because it was already low and diuretics cause it to go lower. As many of you know, low potassium can lead to heart problems as well.

My thinking is that if I can figure out how to do this at home, that is my preference. But I did get a direct pass back into the hospital should I need it. I liken it to being a VIP.

My heart simply broke when the doctors told me that the medicines were over and that my only choice, and as soon as possible, is the transplant. I don't know exactly how to explain how I feel. Just sad and heartbroken. And scared.

I will try to see my regular oncologist today and see what she says. Just in case she has a secret miracle drug or button somewhere.

I am running out of time. And I am not done yet. I just want it all to go away.

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