Today is the third year since I left Spokane for Seattle. What a day that was. I remember Craig moving the boys' beds over to the Sauberan's, the family with whom they would stay with when Craig was in Seattle with me. Clothes were moved. Special items were moved. They no longer "lived" in our house.
Ultimately we were packed up and ready to head to Seattle. But the kids needed to be moved too. And I had to say goodbye to them, maybe forever. I remember thinking I need to remain stoic and not get too emotional. But how could I, when I feared I might not ever see them, hold them, touch them, smell them ever again?
Words could not attempt to describe the torture I felt. It was simply a heart breaking and that heart was mine.
I decided that it would be best for me to do this at home, and then have Craig take them over. I could not have a long, extended goodbye. And the minutes it took to let them go were the most excruciating of my life. Then they were gone and I was going to leave them behind.
I don't remember what we forgot to move over or what the situation was but as we were leaving Spokane we had to stop by the Sauberan's for something. I was frozen in despair and unable to part with them again. So I stayed in the car while Craig ran up.
I was silent for over an hour, literally unable to speak, fearful that everything inside might come out.I had left my home. I had left John Paul and Brennan. I had left my friends. I was scared about what was ahead and so much unknown. How would we ever pay for it all? There was a lot of snow outside. I didn't know if I would be coming back.
But I am home.
